Good news

The good news is that I have a job until December. They have extended my position until December to work on the Alabama Mastergardener Volunteer Handbook. Oh, the Joy! It will be tedious and boring, but at least it is work! I had another temp job lined up, but it was $4 an hour less than what I have now so that would have SUCKED. Anywho, I am not jobless which is great. And now I have income while I continue to look for a job that pays me what I am worth! Yay for me!

You Know You're From Alabama When...

This is the mentality in my state. I found this on the 'net.

You Know You're From Alabama When...
You go to Gulf Shores every summer.
You call the Atlanta Braves baseball team 'us' like they're actually from Alabama.
You would much rather visit Florida than California.
You don't 'take', you 'carry' or 'tote'... as in 'You want me to carry you down to the 7-11?'
A soft drink isn't soda, cola, or pop, it's Coke.
You call it a 'buggy' and not a shopping cart.
You've said 'fixin' to,' 'might could,' or 'usetacould' during the last week.
Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.
You know the meaning of the phrase 'Fobbed again.'
You can properly pronounce Eufaula, Opelika, Bayou La Batre, and Oneonta.
You know exactly what chitlins and mountain oysters are, and you know someone who eats them anyway.
You think that people who complain about the humidity in other states are sissies.
You aren't surprised to find rental movies, groceries, ammunition and bait all in the same store.
You've missed a wedding or a funeral to go to a football game.
Asian food is always 'CHINESE' regardless of the fact that it may actually be Korean or Japanese or Thai

Source Link:
http://www.blogthings.com/alabama.html

Laura Palmer?

Your Boobies' Names Are: Twin Peaks


What are our butts trying to say?

I was thinking today about how when I was a kid, thong underwear were something that you would find in a dirty magazine. They were almost as nasty as crotchless panties. Now, thongs are an acceptable style of underpants that many teens, young women, and older women like. When will the era of the thong be over? Fashionably it IS over, but some women just can't seem to get over themselves -- they still think it makes them look sexy.

On another note we have pants and shorts with written messages on the back of them. In my college town we have a lot of "Auburn", "Tigers", and Greek letters displayed on fannies, but I have seen plenty of others. My least favorite was "Juicy". This just disgusts me to no end. I would not want my butt to convey juiciness. I know what they were trying to say, but all my mind thinks is "swamp-ass"! Yeah, put that message on your ass, girlie!

Why is it that women complain of being oggled and stared at, yet they send messages to men with their asses? Thongs sticking out of jeans whichever way you look while women desperately try to show-off their sexuality. Their running shorts say "Princess", "Flirt", and "Angel" when they might as well say "Easy", "Cheap", "Loose", or "If you like this, wait'll you see my boobs!"

In conclusion, why is America trying to turn women's asses into billboards? We have t-shirts for showing our favorite college team, our cute nicknames, and name-brands -- must be plaster them on our posterior as well? We have comfortable and sexy underwear that cover your entire ass AND pants that go up over them. Why don't you save that popcicle for someone who can at least save $0.25 to buy it rather than show 'em around the icecream truck for free.

Mao Says... Have fun with this new game

Sometimes you just gotta do something stupid. That is why I am sharing my Chinese Misfortune Teller game with you all! Yes, I have brought back a popular folding game from gradeschool to bring you a brand new time-wasting phenomenon! If you can't figure out how to fold it, just ask and I'll post instructions, but most of you probably remember it!



Click here to download the game in PDF form (2.3MB , some assembly required). Video instructions coming soon!

Speak up!

New and improved commenting now available here at Diversion Mary's! Hopefully by switching my blog commenting tools to Blogger's built in comments, I will have a more successful way to leave feedback. Okay, now I guess I will actually do some work!

No Comments

Question: Do other people have trouble with the comment function on my blog? It doesn't seem to load correctly or post correctly. I think this might be why no one leaves comments --because it is a pain in the ass. Or it could be because I am sensationally boring!
Ha!

The Infinite Cat Project

This webpage is strictly for cat-lovers, but even I, who adores cats, considers this a crazy, crazy project. The website owners had to have NOTHING else better to do? This goes on & on & oooon!

Link:
The Infinite Cat Project - Slide #62 Glyph

(W)ant to get into the (W) Thang?

My brother made this logo for T-shirts and he has it on sale at cafepress.com. A revamped "W" t-shirt, ... check her out!

Link:
(W)easel

You give kids a bad name!

Why do people name their children after weird/bad things? Did you hear about the lady a few weeks ago who gave birth to her child while on the way to the hospital? She was in the backseat of her car with her mother delivering the baby. They named the child "Lexus" because she was born in the back of the car. Good thing they weren't in a Ford Astro or something!

Today I ran across this randomly:
Quote: "Mike named him Bleu because he wasn't breathing when he was born. He was limp and blue. Mike was covering my eyes so that I wouldn't look at him. It seemed like it took forever for him to cry."

No no no! Do not name your child after the fact that it almost DIED at birth. You just don't do that! "Oh, this is my son Breech and my daughter Cessarian."

I know someone personally who named their child to commemorate the rape in which he was conceived. Kannsas City Shadow. It happened in Kannsas City, and the man came out of the Shadows. I won't reveal the last name, but there couldn't be that many people out there with that named "Kannsas City" with two N's. I'm not sure if she was getting artistic or if she is just THAT dumb.

Quote source:
Kristal Armendariz

Greed oh!

As I'm sure you've seen or heard, the Star Wars trilogy was just released on DVD Tuesday. $50 bucks will get you 4 DVDs (3 movies, 1 bonus disc) and you can have yet ANOTHER version of Star Wars.

According to CNN, Lucas has altered them again. Several scenes have been modified so these movies will mesh even better with the new prequals. For instance, Darth Vader's unveiling as Luke's father has been altered to make the actor's appearance more closely relate to the new actor who plays Anikin Skywalker.

Lucas' ability to use digital technology to easily alter films has turned him into a movie monster. Just leave it alone George! It was good! We all know it was good! People LOVE it, so just leave it alone!

I think it is a combination of perfectionism and greed. He is a perfectionist. He has rethought scenese over and over again since day one. Greed is surely a factor as well. How many versions will big Star Wars fans buy? All of them! You betcha. They are released slowly so that ones wallet isn't effected all at once, but when you take time to survey all your Star Wars crap, suddenly you see a small fortune.

Patrick was getting into collecting the action figures. I loved looking for cool ones myself. We looked for Yoda religiously for a while because he was a really hard one to find. But, over the last 2 years, I've seen this action figure racket go from fun to annoying as hell. Every time we go into Wal*mart there is yet ANOTHER version of the same action figure. Either they have been repackaged, or they have had something menial added to them (like an extra plastic gun!). Most recently, they have been giving them "retro" packaging. I'm assuming that is because of this DVD release.

There is so many versions of Star Wars memoribilia that it will make your head spin.

So, my point is that George Lucas is a money-grubbing tight-assed perfectionist that just needs to STOP. Get the man out of the studio because he has given himself too much rope.

Links:
Five major changes in the 'Star Wars' DVD
Naked Wookiees andbroken R2-D2s

Saint Clinton

I found this totally amusing. They did such a great job. I think this will be great for my wall of blasphemy. Ah, the good old days when all we had to worry about was stained dresses and the occasional middle eastern skirmish. Now we had war with 1,000+ dead Americans and civialian beheadings.
Saint Clinton - check it out

Old Poot Scootin'

Okay, this is ridiculous. Doctors should tell some of these old folks that if they ever want to walk again, they have to USE their legs. I know that not all of these old people are so damn crippled that they can't walk ever again. I know that there are plenty of old folks who need them, but a lot who just don't. Never-the-less, this is just funny and kinda creepy. Too many of anything is creepy, right P—? :D I wonder if they can get them modified with side-cars?

There is this local commercial for "Mobility Depot" and it shows this redneck old guy who has a scooter... the catch phrase is "Paw-Paw's got the coolest chair in town!"

Yeah, right!

Town overrun with old people on scooters

Dr. Figaro, I presume...

Here are some pics of my kitty that I took with my new Canon S410!







Isn't he a cute kitty? :)

An Outing with Ivan & I

Even though Auburn is a good 3 hours drive inland, the University shut down Thursday and Friday for Hurricane Ivan. Wednesday afternoon I left a little early so that I could run some errands that I knew I wouldn't be able to attend to in the windy & rain.

Patrick's parents were kind enough to allow us to go with them to Newnan, GA. to stay a a hotel while the storm passed. We thought it would be better to wait it out somewhere more stable and less likely to be hit by tornados and power outages. So, we packed up the cat, my computer, portfolio, and any other valuables and headed to the Jameson Inn.

Cats and hotel rooms just don't mix at first. He found every single solitary nook and cranny in the room and wedged himself in there for hours. At one point we had to take the king size bed totally apart to get his little furry ass out of there. Even when we blocked the holes up with towels, he managed to take his super-feet and dig the towels out of his way. Then he managed to hunker down underneath a nightstand and finally the recliner that was in the room. After all that mess we put him in the bathtub for a while. "Put" is too weak a word for all of the clawing he did on the way to the tub! Finally he started chilling out....by the time we left, he was sitting in the window and really "owning" the place.

Two rainy nights and many peanutbutter & Jelly sandwiches later, we got back to Auburn and we saw that everything was just how it ALWAYS was. Nothing had happened. Had we stayed and been unprepared, something would have happened. That is always how it goes.

And so ends Hurricane Ivan wreaking its havoc upon all of Alabama in its many forms of wind, rain, and tornados. Luckily for me, the hurricane's path changed considerably from its first projection. But, I do feel for those in Gulf Shores and the panhandle of Florida. I hope this is the last of the damage this season!

The Mr. Fu, Mr. Lu, and Mr. Shou Hotel

Can I stay here? I mean, I love this! I don't understand was is so "bad" about it. I wish America had more theme hotels outside of Vegas and Atlantic city. Out west their are some teepee hotels (which I would stay at too!), but other than that the U.S. is kinda on the boring side. I hate Holiday Inns and crap. I do like swankier hotels like the Westin in Atlanta (its cool because its a tall, round mirrored building with a rotating restaurant on top). However, I would much rather visit Mr. Fu, Mr. Lu, and Mr. Shou!

Link:
See for yourself - The Mr. Fu, Mr. Lu, and Mr. Shou Hotel

FOUND Magazine

This is a very good time-consuming website you should all visit. There is something so very wierd about reading the found notes. It just makes you wonder what the hell is going on inside some folks heads!

Have fun!

Link: FOUND Magazine

Sad Truth... Hurricane Ivan

I read an article on CNN about the hurricane and some lady when asked about supplies said:

"My boyfriend says that if you have cigarettes, toilet paper and lots of booze, you can trade for everything you need," she said.

That's funny, but so sadly true....

Popcorn & Carshows

I don't know about other places, but for some wierd reason, the Southern population thinks that the best way to rememeber those who died on 9/11 is to have arts & crafts day downtown!! Woohoo. What the hell? Do rocking horses with a mane made of yarn and inflatable jumping rings for kids say "I love America"?

This is the way that small towns celebrate EVERYthing. After about a million years of planning events like this, I think they just stopped thinking of new ideas. "Why not have some kind of fund-raiser for the troops or something? No way! Lets get out the folding tables and the cotton candy machines! It is much easier that way..."

Let's look at the elements of a small, Southern downtown gathering, shall we?

1. Every single police officer AND at least 2 or 3 county sheriff cars must be there standing around and directing "traffic". They must all have their car lights flashing.

2. There must be at least one inflatable jumping ring for children. And in some cases I've seen a small, portable child-size carousel or ferris wheel as well. There must be something at this hootenanny that will make kids beg.

3. There must be at least 5 people who sell wood crafts. There will always be one mediocre guy who just gets bored and happens to own a jig-saw and then one guy who does great work, but charges WAY too much for his wood-engraved confederate flag jewelry box.

4. There will be one lady there who sells candles that she bought at the dollar tree only to decorate them with a little lace and plastic beads.

5. There must be at least one person selling produce.

6. There must be at least one of the following : A hotdog stand, a cotton candy machine, a popcorn machine, a funnel cake stand, and a drink vender (soda of course!).

7. There must be a small car show. Everyone within a 50 mile radius that owns and drives a car out of the ordinary must have their car lined up with the hood up for everyone to see. You see lots of bright yellows and orange colors. You also see a lot of mullets. For a extra special event, you might see a NASCAR car their as well! But it will never be a Jeff Gordon car - deep down, southerners don't like him that much.

8. There must be at least one guy dressed in camoflauge from head to toe.

9. There must be at least one person from Bridges Boot Outlet


I will continue to add to this list.... I actually have to do some work now.
Ugh.

Joey

I watched the Pilot of "Joey" last night. It seems like the Friends spin-off has some merit! Aside from Matt LeBlanc as Joey Tribbiani, it stars Drea DeMatteo as Gina Tribiani and Paulo Costanzo as Michael. You may remember Costanzo as the weed tokin' philosophical friend from from Road Trip.

The show was certainly funny, and Friends fans should have every reason to tune in. I see a lot of potential in Costanzo's character, Michael. Michael plays Joey's 20 year old nephew who at the end of the first episode moves in with Joey. I see a cast of whacky characters starting to build around Joey and his new California life. The only character that doesn't quite fit is Joey's neighbor Allison who introduces herself early on in the episode. Joey thinks he might have a chance with his new blond neighbor, but it really isn't clear WHY he thinks that. Turns out that by the end of the episode we learn that Allison is married. I think that was supposed to be shocking, but I'm not sure why.

All in all, I'd give the show an A! I'm looking forward to more characters and funny lines. Joey comes on NBC Thursday nights at 7pm central time. Maybe this show will make my cable bill worth it!

Oooo! Oooh!

I so totally want this!!!!!!.

I'm a reasonable gal. This is my style. *Sigh* I need to stop looking on the internet!

St. Therese of Lisieux

So, I was brought up Catholic, but that doesn't mean that I am really very Catholic. I am used to it -- I'm familiar with it, but in all honesty, I consider myelf no part of any particular religion. Because of this, I am very drawn to Mother Theresa and her life and words -- she was very open to other religions, she believed much like I do. I have been reading another book about her work and I found out that she took her name from St. Therese of Lisieux. I just so happen to know that I am related to St. Therese of Lisieux -- her earthly name was "Martin" and that is my mother's maiden name. My mom knows all the exactness of it, but we are indeed related. It isn't hard to track because she was born in 1873--that isn't that long ago.

Anywho, I was reading about her online and found a prayers & petition page to her where people add their sorrows and ask for help. It made me so, so sad to read the thoughts that people have with them all through the day -- thoughts of loved ones who are dying, alcoholic, lost, or addicted to drugs. People who pray to find a wife or pray to find a husband because they are lonely. I think those are the saddest of all.

It amazed me how many times a day prayers were posted. I can't imagine how many prayers are rambling through the minds of people. I bet there are some people who hold back a lot and save their thoughts for prayers.

I'm not an ultra relgious person, but I do believe it being thankful for the miracle of my life. I saw a quote in an Aldous Huxley book of essays that said something to the effect of "If you pray and do good deeds to get to heaven then you are leading yourself astray. If you pray and do good deeds to avoid hell then you you are leading yourself astray. If you pray and do good deeds because it fulfills your heart, then you are on the right path."

That is how I believe.

Just some random thoughts...

Just say "NO!" to Justin & Kelly

Oh, the wonders of cable! Each month we fork out 10s of dollars to watch crap! HBO shows CRAP. Patrick and I will never have to rent another DVD just to make fun of it ever again. This weekend's crap-o-thon featured "Justin & Kelly : A tale of Two American Idols". This movie really was a sheist-fest! But a funny one!

This 90 minutes of torture includes the rompings of 3 girl-friends who have nothing in common except the air that they breath and 3 guy-friends, who are also as equally mis-matched, on Spring Break in Florida. Justin & Kelly are obviously the median in each of their groups and are being sabotaged by Kelly's "friend" who is jealous of the attention being paid to her friend who was portly in comparison to her own skeletal figure.

This movie has ALL the cliches! Love, betrayal, denial, ex-boyfriends, cut muscles, dork transformations! It has it all. In the end, friendship prevails (even though I wouldn't dumped that skanky-bitchwhore if she were my friend) and all is well in Spring Break land.

Did I forget to mention this is a musical? Yes, among all this drama you have song & dance routines that will make your head spin (then you'll vomit!...but not from the headspinning). There is nothing like a teenage love drama being belted out in song while random people dance perfectly in sync in the background.

I guess they were trying to make another "Grease". Let's face it, nobody knows why the hell "Grease" was such a success -- American Idol was really pressing their luck. One positive thing I can say about the movie is that is was totally harmless. The drama was pre-teen at best and at least their bodies were covered. I even found it funny how very covered Kelly Clarkson remained during the entire movie. She usually had on capri pants or a sarong on the beach -- which looked kinda weird, but I can't say that I would want all of American to see my butt jiggle while I danced around the beach.

If you want a good laugh, try to catch this movie on cable.
We had quite a good time laughing at this one!