Popcorn & Carshows

I don't know about other places, but for some wierd reason, the Southern population thinks that the best way to rememeber those who died on 9/11 is to have arts & crafts day downtown!! Woohoo. What the hell? Do rocking horses with a mane made of yarn and inflatable jumping rings for kids say "I love America"?

This is the way that small towns celebrate EVERYthing. After about a million years of planning events like this, I think they just stopped thinking of new ideas. "Why not have some kind of fund-raiser for the troops or something? No way! Lets get out the folding tables and the cotton candy machines! It is much easier that way..."

Let's look at the elements of a small, Southern downtown gathering, shall we?

1. Every single police officer AND at least 2 or 3 county sheriff cars must be there standing around and directing "traffic". They must all have their car lights flashing.

2. There must be at least one inflatable jumping ring for children. And in some cases I've seen a small, portable child-size carousel or ferris wheel as well. There must be something at this hootenanny that will make kids beg.

3. There must be at least 5 people who sell wood crafts. There will always be one mediocre guy who just gets bored and happens to own a jig-saw and then one guy who does great work, but charges WAY too much for his wood-engraved confederate flag jewelry box.

4. There will be one lady there who sells candles that she bought at the dollar tree only to decorate them with a little lace and plastic beads.

5. There must be at least one person selling produce.

6. There must be at least one of the following : A hotdog stand, a cotton candy machine, a popcorn machine, a funnel cake stand, and a drink vender (soda of course!).

7. There must be a small car show. Everyone within a 50 mile radius that owns and drives a car out of the ordinary must have their car lined up with the hood up for everyone to see. You see lots of bright yellows and orange colors. You also see a lot of mullets. For a extra special event, you might see a NASCAR car their as well! But it will never be a Jeff Gordon car - deep down, southerners don't like him that much.

8. There must be at least one guy dressed in camoflauge from head to toe.

9. There must be at least one person from Bridges Boot Outlet


I will continue to add to this list.... I actually have to do some work now.
Ugh.

 

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