A Bad Batch

I would like to introduce you to the single most ridiculous thing I've seen in quite a while. Montgomery, Alabama has formed its very own minor league baseball team called "The Biscuits". Yes, how quaint it is to perpetuate that old southern tradition of biscuits with a whole baseball team. Alabama should really just stop trying at this point. Just GIVE UP. We are a dumb state and nothing can fix it. To see the really dumb biscuit logo go here. I love how the butter pat doubles for a little biscuit tounge. Here is the equally stupid theme song to go with it!

Up early every day makin' them the best
We're workin' up a storm, cookin' up a slugfest
We made this batch out of pure ambition
If you can't stand the heat, get out of our kitchen

These Biscuits make us feel all right
We love our Biscuits-- they're outta sight

Makin' 'em from scratch is a whole lotta fun
That way we know our Biscuits will be number one
There's no place I'd rather be
Than this great big park full of Biscuits for me
We love our Biscuits-- they’re outta sight

Invest, Daniel Son!

I saw this commercial on tv the other day and I thought it was a joke at first. It was all these goofy japanese guys talking about how Japan is great to invest in. It was trying to get Americans specifically. Isn't this unamerican? Shit, I think we invest enough into that chinky-dinky island as it is. Every freakin' thing we got is made over there or assembled over there or developed over there. All the good expensive stuff anyways. Tawain is where they make crappy stuff like jellyshoes and bamboo back-scratchers. But Japan? They've got all the electronics and cars and technology and stuff. Everytime I got to the store I invest in Japan. Next thing you know there will be commercials for cheap child labor in Mexico and for hoards of hindu workers to answer phones for you.

I bought a bonsai tree from a Japanese guy on the side of the road about a month ago--thats the biggest investment they'll get from me.

Scatchin' N Survivin'

This is week 2 of the 4 week temporary layoff from work and I am super-pissed. The first day I was jobless I applied for unemployment. I recieved in the mail, a statement which tells me that I am ineligible. Apparently I began work at the end of one of the state's stupid freakin' "quarters" which gave me a very low total income for the 1st quarter. Then, of course, I worked the next quarter to its fullest and therefore had a much, much higher earned income for the 2nd quarter. So they said that because of the jump in my income that I cannot qualify for unemployment. Does that make sense to you? Not to me. I am SO pissed off right now.

My job abuses me. I've been working there almost a year now (May 3rd will be a year). I go to meetings, I put up with bullshit, I do every little thing that comes my way with a freakin' smile yet, I have no say in what goes on, I have no benefits, I don't get paid whenever the University is shut down and I can't go to work AND they kick me out of the place for a month every year so that they don't "abuse" me they say. Bullshit. It is so they don't have to pay me a salary—which isn't too much more than what I get paid right now! Its not like I can "save up" for a month off with the crappy wages they pay. So, how in the hell am I going to pay bills? It is crap like this that makes me angry and it will continue to make me angry when I go back to work. So angry that I will begin to hate it more and more and more until finally I can't take it anymore. Because for about 3 months after I go back to work, I'm going to be playing "catch up" on all the bills and shit I need money for. Those are going to be miserable months.

I just gotta keep telling myself that I only have to put up with it a little bit longer. Then I am so out of this backwards, po-dunk, redneck state and I'm NEVER coming back. Never. Never. EVER.

Fake, Plastic Beads

Why is it that everyone who comes back from Mardi Gras thinks that these fake, plastic beads are the utmost coolest thing in the world? And more importantly,why do these same people think that EVERYone should want to own their very own set of beads? I wasn't there--why do I want these beads? This is the 2nd time someone has given me Mardi Gras beads at work. Why? I threw the first set out, I'll throw the 2nd set out too. Some people hang those dumb beads from every corner of their office, their apartment, their house, and the most common place--rearview mirror. How do you say "no" to someone who is so eager to pass on these beads? I really thought I might hurt their feelings. Not so much because I wasn't taking a gift, but because they thought they are SO cool. So, now I got a drawer full of Mardi Gras beads at work that keep me from getting to my pens and leave little flakes of gold, green, and purple metallic paint on my floor. Stupid beads.

Here's to you Mr. 2000 Flushes guy

Here's to you Mr. 2000 Flushes guy for letting America know how to keep their toilet fresh for up to 4 months. Thanks for stretching those 4 gnarly, severly arthritic fingers up with such enthusiasm for the sake of housewives and people who like to be clean everywhere. Thanks for being such a memorable spokesman for so many years. It felt good knowing that some old guy with a thick NY Mobster accent cared so much....

Can you believe that 2000 flushes has it's own website? Me either.

Graphic Design Humor 101

I am such a dork, but this is hillarious to me. I like "Goudy is my co-pilot"....
Typographer's bumperstickers

Animal Crackers

This looks like a good book.

Mad, Mad World

Here is another diversion for you all to check out. It is a song from the Donnie Darko soundtrack (a movie I highly reccomend). Go to Everloving Records homepage and go to the bottom where the tuner is. Select the "Donnie Darko" track and hit play. Sometimes I just leave this website up in the background so I can listen to it.

Movie REVIEW:Cold Creek Manor [ F- ]

I was too shocked at how bad this movie was to even be mad that I wasted the $3.50 (plus payment on previous fines) to watch it.

The major headliners are Sharon Stone, Stephan Dorff, and Dennis Quaid and I'd have to say that even though these three haven't been the pick of the litter lately, I would have thought these actors would have seen the Cold Creek Manor trap after reading the script.

A NY City family (Quaid, Stone, & Kids) decide that they want to move to the country after one too many run-ins with the annoyances of city life. Upon moving out of the city, they immediately buy this giant, creepy looking mansion out in the boondocks that used to be part of a sheep farm. So, I wonder....

1) If they moved so far from the city, what about jobs? How will they make money?
2) Why didn't they check out the neighborhood first?
3) That house was awefully fancy at one time for sheep farmers...
4) Why is it that we are in upstate NY, but because it is in the "country" everyone looks hick and has a redneck accent?

Early in the movie the suspicious character (Dorff) was introduced, immediately my mind started working out how bad he was going to get in this movie and what he could have done that was so bad. I think most of us do that when we watch one of these movies that we know will be a "whodunnit" flick.

By the end of the movie, I was gravely dissapointed when the one very simple idea that I had come up with so early in the movie was exactly what had happened. We all want to be wrong so that there is a surprise in the end. No twists. No suprises. Just the dullest "thriller" I've ever seen.

If you have fun trashing bad movies like I do, you should get a copy of Roger Ebert's movie cliche's book and check them off the list while you watch Cold Creek Manor.

Halo-ed be thy name

I'm back to the blog!